I am soooo… emo

I never got to watch the Sugarfree concert last Saturday. Long story short, we got to the Music Museum and were faced with the sign: SOLD OUT.

Yes, very depressing, I know.

It's the reason why I got myself a copy of Robert Jordan's "The Great Hunt", the second book in the Wheel of Time series. God, I'm such a comfort shopper.

    Now the thing has got me thinking about what I do when I get depressed, and I tell you I was mightily depressed that time. Who wouldn't when the world screams, "Loser!" right in your face? Anyway, I lose my appetite for sweets when I get the sads. That night, I went with Gene to Krispy Kreme because he wanted to try out the donuts there. I just wanted to get away from Greenhills as soon as possible, but with nothing else to do, I tagged along. It was when Gene was praising the donuts to the high heavens, and I was munching on my free sample donut just thinking, sweet, that I found that I've lost my appetite for sweet things. I then remembered a Sasuke-Naruto Doujinshi that mentioned that seme* characters don't really have a sweet tooth, and I thought to myself, I'm feeling very seme right now, I need an uke**…  like Kamui. Really, I was pretty much thinking those thoughts. I feel that that does not say something good for my unconscious.

    Our next destination was National Bookstore; Gene needed supplies for an art project he's currently working on. He has some kind of muse to spur him on and he just needs to finish the project.  *sigh* The things you do when you're inspired…

    There, so he was  busy looking for supplies, I just went to the very cramped sci-fi / fantasy section of the small store. I saw some reprinted works of Heinlein like "The Menace from Earth", "The Green Hills of Earth", and "Methuselah's Children." I just had to smile since I already have those books in a Heinlein anthology, "The Past through Tomorrow", in a Booksale and bought it for fifty pesos. Anyway, there were other books there, like "Vampire Hunter D", a collection Neil Gaiman's stories, and other stuff. It was while scanning the bookshelf that I found the second Wheel of Time book, "The Great Hunt". It was discounted and it was priced at around P 131.  Normally, I would've ignored it since I consider one hundred pesos as expensive for books, you would too if you got used to shopping for books in bargain bookstores, but I was depressed at that time as you now know so very well. I had to ask some money from Gene so that I wouldn't starve on Monday, but I felt relief when the cashier punched it in along with Gene's art materials. You just can't beat comfort buying when you're down in the dumps.

    We were then heading home, walking the length of Annapolis to reach the MRT station, yes we're crazy and stupid for walking the distance. We passed by foodstalls that I earlier wanted to stop by and eat at, but at the time, I found that not only did I lose my appetite for sweets, I also lost my appetite for food in general. Hooray for episodes of anorexia…

    Now I'm beginning to see how emo I can really get and the things I do when I am. I don't really breakdown and cry my heart out, something I find very hard to do nowadays. I just freeze up and become cold and indifferent to everything when I get the sads. What's worse is that I have an increased tendency for self-destruction when I get depressed. It's a good thing that this laptop's here. Writing all this down is pretty much therapeutic. I'm thinking this is as far as I can get to sublimating negative emotions. Oh yeah, there's also the random MS Paint doodles of depression and despair. I actually did one of those during my birthday, how emo is that?

Great, now I'm psychoanalyzing myself. Well, it's not like I'm going to do anything about it. I'm the useless person who sees what's wrong but doesn't do anything to improve the situation or something. Lack of willpower or something like that. Whutev, this post ends now.

 _________

*seme - the aggressive character in shonen-ai / yaoi fiction; the top in more direct terms.

**uke {ooh - ke} - the submissive character; the bottom

PS. If you noticed the lack of side comments enclosed in parentheses in today's post, that's because some keys on the laptop don't work. like the number five, six, zero, the escape key, and others.

PPS. You may also have noticed the emo-ness of the past posts, I'll try to lighten the mood in the next posts. Maybe some crappy tales I'll create with Talecraft.