Birthday rambling

Right now, a part of me doesn’t care that I’m twenty and another part of me thinks that it’s the most important thing in  the world.

20? Whutev: Jean Claude is twenty years old today. Nothing special about that. August 19 is just another day. People in Quezon City have a holiday but then Jean doesn’t really study in QC and he doesn’t have classes on tuesdays anyway. Nope, nothing special here.His birthday was pretty uneventful but then the little party he had with some of his friends made it all nice and stuff, for which he is grateful.

OMGWTFBBQ He’s TWENTY!: Jean is twenty years old. He hasn’t saved the world, hasn’t come close to destroying the world, hasn’t even come close to understanding the world. Stupid fantasy books and anime/manga stories have people as young as five saving the world from eternal darkness and here he is, twenty years old, not even doing something special. He’s a twenty-year old bum who will still be a bum a gajillion years from now.

What is it with me and this age thing? Age is nothing special, it’s just a number. That’s what the self-help/spirituality books say. But then I’m still too attached to the idea of age that I’m still uncomfortable with me not being a teenager anymore. It’s probably because being older means being more responsible. I hate responsibility. I hate the idea that I’ll grow up, get a job, marry, have kids, and watch myself turn into my dad. *shudder* I also hate the idea that I’ve wasted time, probably a decade starting from my first act of underachievement way back in grade school.

Anyway, I’ve found out and reaffirmed a lot of stuff in the past year. I found out I keep way too many defenses up, virtually not letting anyone really know me; that I have a different persona for each of my social groups (home, school, high school friends, etc.). I still run away from any sign of pressure. I still think way too much and I still rarely do anything (aiyah… teoryang baog). There must be others but then I’m too tired and lazy to think of anymore. Come on 0:00.

Aside from the self-hate stuff, I guess there’s something worth patting myself on the back for. I still read and am now reading more than sci-fi, fantasy, and self-help. I’m reading more on writing and getting a bit more theoretical practice on it (which hopefully translates to this blog).  I’m kinda getting more exercise now with Taekwondo and Hapkido (though my attendance is a bit problematic lately). I guess what you have is what you think you have. The Secret works in this case for me I guess.

Presently: I am Jean Claude, twenty years old. I am a fourth-year Political Science student who’s not marching with my batchmates at the end of this schoolyear. I like writing, or at least the thought of writing. I want to purge TV land of stupid ideas. I’m an armchair everything, never doing the practical side of anything. I’d like to attain enlightenment but I’m too lazy to deny my self. I’m usually in a state of blissful ignorance. Everything’s okay for now, but then there’s probably something that’s going to throw everything into chaos.

Twenty years, I must have done something right in all that time.