Political Science has ruined me

May 4, 2009

My little brother (12) and little sister (14) were fighting again. I have no idea what started it, I have no interest in knowing how it started, I usually adopt the ignore-it-until-it’s-too-annoying-then-beat-both-of-them-up style of big brothering. There they were shouting, shoving, slapping, and generally contributing to the chi disruption of the whole place, and I thought to myself, are there rules for these fights? My little sibs generally follow a pattern in their fights and it would be interesting if their little fights are just a representation of a universal unwritten code for kid fights. There would be unspoken rules like:

-> Physically harmful contact from any party, whether intended or not, is justified reason for declaring a fight.

->The first phase of the fight will be on verbal territory and will compose 70% of the whole fight. Verbal attacks including, but not limited to, ad hominem insults, recountings of past embarrassments, grossly exaggerated parodies of the actions of the opposing party, taking past events out-of-context with intent to ridicule, and statements that questions the heterosexuality of the opposing party are acceptable. With regards to the relaying of past experiences, the date and recency of said experience is irrelevant.

->The second phase of the fight begins when during the first phase, a party does not retaliate with a verbal assault but with a physical one. All parties can now deliver physical blows to each other. Verbal attacks can still be performed along with physical attacks. Physical actions will be limited to slaps, shoves, pinches, and hair-pulling. The neck, the eyes, the gut, and the genitals are zones of no physical contact.

->A fight ends when one of the following events happens:

•  An adult breaks up the fight
• One party declares their opponents are stupid and leaves the fight
• When one or all parties are emotionally unable to continue fighting
• When one or all parties are physically unable to continue fighting

-> A party is declared the “Winner” when:

• The party successfully pleads their case in front of an adult, resulting in the punishment of the opposing parties, while escaping punishment or receiving a lighter punishment.
• The party is successful in emotionally incapacitating the opposing party
• The opposing party “goes too far”  by performing a physical action on a party which makes movement, breathing, or sight difficult for the said party.
• A party has given better verbal attacks, dealt the verbal attack that provoked the opposing party into entering the second phase, and successfully stood their ground in the second phase.

-> A draw happens when:

• All parties receive the same punishment from an adult
• A party leaves the fight, leaving both parties thinking they were better than the other
•  The party that opened the second phase demonstrates superior physical capabilites in it. (The party that opens the second phase is declared pikon and is no longer eligible for being declared a winner.)

*reads the above*

That does it. I have too much “free” time on my hands. Now to get to real work.

 *sigh*