At first I was afraid; I was petrified

I've been thinking about the song I Will Survive and how it's usually connected to gay people. It's just that I Will Survive is almost always presented as the national anthem of the gay community. A gay man in the movie, Boat Trip (Two guys accidentally board a gay cruise ship and are going to be stuck there for a week. Main character falls for hot female dance instructor and pretends to be gay in order to get close to her.) tells the main character that you can't be gay without knowing the lyrics of Gloria Gaynor's classic. So what is it with this song? Why am I even asking? What's the point?

 
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Waiting for Cupid’s Arrow

My hopelessly romantic ideals (which I just recently found out were hopelessly romantic) may be shooting down any potential lovers. I've never experienced a romantic relationship but I think it starts with the butterflies and all the mushy mutual feelings stuff. I've been waiting for a thunderbolt to hit me and tell me she/he's the one. I'm sorry if that's way too romantic, but I've eaten way too much from the Rom-com part of the media buffet table. That's what happens in rom-coms and stuff. Guy, girl, they meet, get hit by a thunderbolt from nowhere and, "She/He's the one."

 
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Why being a girl would be nice

My sister walks in and says, " I just watched Transformers!"

Turning away from the computer, I ask, "Again?"

"Yes, and for free. I love being a girl!" 

There has to be some kind of consolation for being a guy…

School, Experiencing Princess Princess, Anime fads, The five colors of mana

Pardon the crap that will follow. I'm just going to ramble for the sake of posting, which is all I ever do.

School's just started and we've been flooded with readings (that I haven't photocopied yet). People who already have copies found that the damn readings have eaten a large chunk out of their money. I spent my money on food and novels. Denial is such a sweet defense mechanism. I just hope I'll be able to scrape a passing grade again . Well, of course this not-doing-anything period  couldn't possibly be good for a secure future but whatever.  If I continue this train of thought, I'll be turning it into another post full of self-pity.

Regarding the previous post, I actually found the experience of being a human Bratz doll amusing. There we were just hanging out at the OSAD when Betch suddenly wanted to practice applying makeup on somebody else. The not entirely protesting victim was me. Should I have protested and said no with all my might? … uh… Whatever. The only colors Lizette had were of a reddish hue. Yes, very geisha like. I think. Punch me if I'm not making sense or just being a pretentious prick. They start putting eyeliner (?) on my eyelids and the people watching were complimenting the application of the product. And then came the blush and stuff and the clips. Well, they told me that I looked pretty nice. (I feel pretty… Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and -) I hope they meant that. It would be fun if I could really pass myself as a member of the opposite sex … not for drag-queen purposes, just that it makes me a little different from the crowd. (Don't we all want to stand out?)

Of course, cameras were taken out and pictures galore were shot. I think I need a camera phone, just to camwhore and practice looking good in pictures. I never really look good in pictures… or is that a too self-depreciating statement? Where's my cutter? Oh yess… Life-bringing crimson, flowing from my empty, human shell… There is no meaning for my continued existence… -cut the emo crap. I'm quite glad that none of the pictures have found their way to the intarnets… Or have they? Are people looking at those pictures and thinking, Ting's wearing make-up, I knew he was queer! Or… maybe not. I don't think the pictures have that strong a hold on me that they can be used as effective blackmail material.

I need a job so I can runaway from home.  I'm still in my teens and my raging hormones are telling me to throw out old rules and bind myself  to new ones and call that independence. Yes, I'm a hamster wanting to get out of the safe tediousness of my cage without knowing how much harder it is outside the confines of the plastic prison.

Yay! We're descending to incoherence again!

I liked Death Note when I first saw it back in November 2006. I liked it immediately. Since I liked it, I introduced Death Note to my friends, who maybe introduced it to their friends too. I was afraid that Death Note would be the next anime fad. I didn't get started on Bleach since almost everybody was going Bleach this and Bleach that. The same goes true for Naruto. My fear didn't reveal itself as simple paranoia, it was quite true. The live-action Death Note movie was released here in the Philippines by 2Rats and Comic Alley along with the first few episodes of the anime. (I was able to watch the anime before the Comic Alley release thanks to Bionic HQ. They used to have a branch near UST but they had to close shop. The only other branch I know of is in Greenhills, Theatre Mall 2nd floor.) I haven't watched the movie yet and I may have lost all interest in watching it. Raito (Light) wasn't good-looking in the movie (though L was), Ryuk looked really fake, and a whole lot of other complaints. Thanks to the Comic Alley release, Death Note was made known to a wider audience. Comic Alley then stocked up on Death Note merchandise. Posters, keychains, necklaces, "Death Notes" (notebooks), pins, and plush dolls (Though I have to admit that the Ryuk and L dolls are cute (imagine if I typed kawaii…)). Pretty soon, everybody was talking about Death Note. I find it annoying that most  people only know of the movie. Basically, what I'm just saying is: I hate it when everybody likes what I like.

The book I bought is about a kitty that's tasked to save the world. It's not Brian Jacques pirate kitties that stand on two legs, it's a kitty kitty, white with a few black stripes on him. It's cute.

So much for a review

You know, I should get started on my research about the current human rights situation but joining an RPG messageboard sounds more fun.

Speaking of RPG boards, I'm a member of Terisia City but then I just mostly lurk. Terisia is a fantasy role-playing messageboard that's pretty centered on the Magic: The Gathering card game. I don't think you really need to know how to play Magic in order to join, but it would help though. What you just need to know is that magic is fueled by mana which is split into five colors: White, Blue, Black, Red, and Green. White is the color of order and it is used mostly for healing and protection, but it can also be used for divine punishment and stuff. Blue is the color of logic and trickery, it is used to gain knowledge and to play tricks on reality, like countering magic spells, or unsummoning creatures. Black is the color that is obsessed with power, users of black mana are willing to do anything for power, raising the dead, summoning demons, sacrificing life, that kind of stuff. They also excel in using fear to destroy other creatures. Red mana is the mana of fire. Stereotypical red mana users are impatient and chaotic, they pretty much want to destroy their opponents as fast as possible using fire, lightning, or simple brute strength. Green mana is the mana of nature lovers. It doesn't have much in the sorcery department except that it can induce rapid growth in its creations and their creatures can rapidly multiply and overrun the opponent. Okay… forget everything. You do need a little M:tg knowledge to join. But if you still want to, go ahead. Terisia isn't just for mage-battles and the like, it also offers romance and a bit of drama. So-and-so's warrior hooks up with Somebody's drow  (dark elf to people who aren't familiar with fantasy races) enchantress and flirting happens in the inn. Oh yeah, Terisia is also the place of general SPAM. Shadow's Bar is the place where most of the veterans just hang around and be retarded. (Note: Shadow's Bar isn't involved in any storyline whatsoever… start a serious, dramatic scene there, and people will just get ticked off). Anyway, I'm just trying to get a few people to revive the city since it's been in a slump since a massive OOC (out of character) flamewar happened due to a few rules constraints. God I probably look like a nerd right now.

 (I'd like to bash wannabe Death Note fangirls and fanboys but that would just be plain hypocrisy since I find myself sitting like L)

ambush

I've just been given a makeover by my polsci friends. They did make me look better I guess… as agirl! graahh…

what this does for my masculinity….. 

Identity Crisis my ass!

For quite some time I've been saying that I'm going through an identity crisis or that I was thinking I was. Turns out, I was just thinking I was. After reading a chapter in a child-and-adolescent psychology book, I've found out that what I have is a diffused identity. I haven't exactly experienced an identity crisis since I haven't really confronted my personal problems. I'm just stuck in the middle of stuff doing nothing which pretty much explains what I've been doing for the past 4 or 5 years.

There's an episode in the 7th season of Gilmore Girls where Rory breaks down and cries about how she doesn't know what to do after college. How she was always able to see what was coming for her all her life and now all she sees is fog. I'm pretty much feeling that way except that I've always mostly gone with the flow of other people's wishes. I pretty much hate being that way but I'm scared of having no one to blame when my life goes to hell because of my own actions.

Yes, I've read Richard Bach and a whole bunch of literature meant to inspire you to make you live your own life. Their ideas are nice, but I'm too lazy to live them.